What else has remained me to bring into thinking to live the rest of my life comfortably?
Oh! A lot of things. May be, the most important for me. To define myself in the different worlds- body, family, society, information ideas and to choose optimal behavior.
I used to amuse myself building up some modes of myself. The model is not a complex one-my ego reduces oneself to environment, takes in outer irritant, feels, replies by means of some actions, gets a "payment". And then a new Functional Acts cycle: to do one thing or another. The main point of this model is self-analysis: your intellect, needs, motives, character, convictions, knowledge, dynamics. The models have not helped me to live, the solutions always have come from my sub- consciousness almost spontaneously. But it has not been so bad in a result. If it were not for deaths of my patients, I would have been happy. But I have never come against my consciousness, I have never taken gifts from my patients, I have performed only necessary surgeries. But I used to make mistakes as well, and it made me to suffer.
Now I am senile. It's nothing to decide. I am a pensioner. I have beenconducting a senility overcoming experiment through loadings and self restrictions, - everything is all right. But I feel unsteadiness at the stairs, sharp movements are rigid and my memory of recent events has worsened. My life duration forecast is 3 to 8 years more. Will I suffer at the end? May be. But I know for sure that I haven't fear to die, I have experience of my own surgery, as well as hundreds of observations over dying people. I'm afraid of the other thing - mind fading.What have I to live then for?
My "input channels" are books, radio, news on TV, Internet. My family.Once a week- seminars, communications with my colleagues and pupils, etc. There is a "country with transitional economy" behind the walls of my study. I have written about it- the country is still far away from being mature. As for me, I need nothing more (almost nothing), but my former patients living in misery are gained my sympathy. I can't change anything (I don't even try to change something, finding senility as a good excuse for it). To be honest, it is nothing more like hardheartedness.
I have extracted secrets of my needs from subconsciousness by means ofself-analysis and the following priority order is being set. (1) Inquisitiveness. (2) Creation. (3) Fear (of decease and senility). (4) Communication. (5) Leadership. (6) Vanity. (7) Sympathy. (8). Sex. (9) Greediness. Now from all my needs of "Pleasant sphere" only information and creation have remained (items 1 and 2). Communication and praises are also pleasant in a way. (items 4 and 6). The other items are so-so, without any pretensions.
What is the problem then? The problem is the same: how to retain inner comfort at the end: activity, memory and intellect.
May be, it's worth to change the guiding lines? To switch from realism tomysticism and religion and to try to stand in the church with a candle? Or to resort to some meditation and to look inside yourself? To inhibit all interests before one is really dead ? It's a bad idea!
No, it's not my way. I'm not going to change my position. From the scientific point of view, I have always believed, that excessive activity focusing on a single model or conception is harmful for creation. To let metaphors crowd in the brain producing sometimes good ideas, agitation has "to walk around" the cerebral cortex. That's why there is no reason to create a single source of activity concentration keeping to repeat a pray or conjuration. Do you need a proof? Here is one: what have oriental wise men or yogis contributed to the efficient science and progress? Nothing! The simple schemes, created in "Machambrata" by hindus are a miserable parody of the physiology.
So, let's leave the things as they are, without thinking about the end of the world and not be afraid of mind degradation. Let's read, think, save one's thoughts to the computer for not to forget them:But it is important to cultivate in oneself one thing: not to lay claim to general recognition and to appreciate the thinking itself.
What shall I reflect upon ? Upon one and the same thing: World outlook.The relationship between self-organization and organization is not clear for me. In particular the feedback possibilities. Applications: biology, psychology, sociology, Artificial Intellect. Man-caused Civilization. Reducing of reality to virtuality. The side interest: "another physics".
I believe in my senility overcoming experiment and in surgery. Professor Korfer has promised me to replacemy heart valve, in case if the implanted one fails. Why not? I have no sclerosis and my cholesterol is low.
So, Amosov, keep your head above the water. The show is going on!
Nikolay Amosov. My World Outlook.
Translation from Russian into English Sergei Dotsenko